4:25 p.m. - December 09, 2003
The Real Reason
Today was going okay until I got home. My Mom and brother have been having a few phone-arguments over the past 2 days. They had one last night and one just as I got home.........
I thought it was a little weird that I haven't seen my brother since mid September but I didn't really think about it. Now I know why I haven't see him in so long: HE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE US........
My family are Jehovah's Witnesses. Now, We maybe a little different but we're not crazy. Just ask Cass, Except for going to church 3 times a week and not celebrating holidays, we're practically normal right? Yeah, So I don't celebrate Halloween, or Christmas or Thanksgiving but the point is I'm not really bothered by it. Sure, there are times in my life when I am jealous because people are getting presents while I'm not but I don't really care. Before my brother left home, he too was a Jehovah's Witness but when he left home he decided he didn't want to be one anymore so now he celebrates all the holidays. Now, given, my parents aren't thrilled about this but they still love him just the same and they would never hate him but he's having a hard time understanding why my parents are depriving me and my sister of celebrating holidays. He also thinks he was deprived as a child because he wasn't allowed to either. I don't feel that I'm deprived. I feel damn lucky about the way I've been raised..... Yeah, so I don't get presents on the 25th of December, but that doesn't mean I don't get any at all. My parents provide for me and make sure I have all I need and even get me the things I want.
I don't know what's wrong with him- maybe it's the medicine he's on for his hip that's making him so loony or maybe it't the fact that he's depressed. Whatever it is, I don't think it's right to not come and see us because we don't share the same views on religion. Will would do anything to please his wife and if she became a Jehovah's Witness, he'd do it to, just please/keep her. But, she's not and he's out celebrating and having a good time but won't come see his family. My grandparents live 1000 miles away from me and we talk to them more than we talk to my brother who lives 1 hour away. Pretty sad if you think about it. It's tearing my up inside knowing that my brother won't come see me and I don't know what I can do to make him come visit me. I don't think it's fair to punish your sisters while your punishing your parents for the "mistake" he thinks they made.
My parents wan't me all along with my sister to say with in the Jehovah's Witness (JW) faith and at times I believe it and at other times, I just don't know. I NEED to go to college but yet, if I go to college I'm not gonna have time to go to Church 3 times a week. I don't want to let my parents down, like my brother has. They still love him to death but are not happy with the course he's chosen, and if I don't choose the right course, I feel liek they'll think of themselves as failures because their kids didn't belive in the JW faith. I don't want them looking down on me. I feel like it's up to me to prove that now all their kids are screw-ups.
Sometime's it's easier to forget then have to face what your dealing with. Right now, I choose to forget. I can't deal with this right now.....Not now, maybe not ever.
P.S.> I had a entry written for yesterday but when I pressed "DONE!", it said "Could not find server" and my entry was erased. Damn thing. Sorry, I just didn't feel like having to re-write another one.
